The Devil Has All The Best Food by Serenity [Reviews - 3]

Greg jolted awake as an almighty crash echoed down the hall and into his bedroom, followed by a string of muffled expletives. He forced one sleepy eye open to peer at the sickly green luminous display of his bedside alarm clock.

Yawning so wide that his jaw popped, he pulled the covers over his head, creating a cocoon for himself. It was only 1pm and he’d been sleeping less than three hours. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping to drop off again, but the urgent pressing in his bladder forced him to throw back the sheets and find the floor with unsteady feet.

He grimaced and shielded his eyes as he raised the blackout blinds, harsh sunlight flooding the small room. Once his eyes had adjusted, he pulled on a pair of black boxers with purple smiley faces and padded barefoot to the bathroom.

As he was relieving himself, a wonderful familiar smell of chocolate and cinnamon wafted through the open bathroom door. He quickly washed his hands, wanting to see for himself just what the hell was happening in his house.

He moved stealthily through the apartment and leaned against the doorway, surveying his once pristine kitchen. There were four mixing bowls stacked in his sink, each one covered in a strange brown substance. Egg shells littered his floor and pale yellow yolk dripped from the corner of his countertop onto the tiles below.

And in the middle of all the mayhem was Nick, stirring something on the stove. He had brown streaks on his face and his once black t-shirt was now ghosted with flour. He swore again as he burned his finger on the hot pan, quickly putting it in his mouth to suck it.

“What on earth is going on Nicky?” Greg asked, and Nick visibly froze at the question. He turned slowly, a guilty look on his face.

“You weren’t supposed to be up for hours G’! I was going to have all this cleared up, I swear.” He took the pan off the heat and wiped his hands on a cloth he’d tucked into his jeans.

Greg raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, well, little chance of sleep when you’re making enough noise to wake the dead.”

Crossing the kitchen, he took Greg’s face in his hands and kissed him tenderly. “Happy Birthday, baby.” Greg sighed contentedly and let himself be pulled into a tight embrace.

“I was hoping this was all going to be ready by the time you got up.” he indicated to the mess with a sweep of his hand. “I’ve got steaks marinating, my secret recipe gravy is ready to go, and your birthday cake is in the oven. It should be ready to come out in a few minutes.”

Greg’s wide grin threatened to crack his face. “You did all this for my birthday? OK, forgiving the mess now.”

“Well, it’s the first birthday we’ve shared since we got together and I wanted it to be special. Plus, you gotta work tonight, so I wanted you to enjoy the time we do have.” He disentangled himself from Greg and went back to check the progress of his baking.

Kneeling in front of the oven, he donned Greg’s colourful mitts, pulled down the door and reached in for the cake tin. “Shit!”

“What’s wrong, did you burn yourself?” Greg rushed to his side, concerned. Nick shook his head, his shoulders slumped in disappointment.

Greg looked down and couldn’t stop a small chuckle escaping. The cake had failed to rise, leaving an inch thick solid mass at the bottom of the tin.

Nick looked up at him, his brown eyes glistening with distress. “I’m so sorry Greg. I don’t know what went wrong. I mean, I followed the recipe.” He rose, dropping the tin on the worktop with a clatter. “It was supposed to be the perfect birthday and I’ve ruined it.”

“No you haven’t.” Greg smiled reassuringly at his boyfriend and picked up the tub that was sitting beside the stove. “We’ve still got the frosting, right?”

“Yeah.” Nick looked confused. “But it’s useless, we’ve got nothing to put it on.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” He pulled up the front of Nick’s T-shirt and cheekily smeared a handful of the chocolate frosting over his stomach.

“Hey!” Nick exclaimed in shock, pulling the T-shirt over his head. “What are you playing at?”

Another slippery handful of creamy chocolate was smoothed over his chest by a giggling Greg. “Well, no sense in it going to waste!” He swept a finger through the mess and licked it clean. “Mmmmm, delicious. You know, I think you just might be the best birthday cake I’ve ever tasted.”

Catching on, Nick pulled Greg towards him, the gooey mixture bonding their bodies together. Greg eyed him up and down through half closed lids, a smirk twitching at the corner of his lip.

“What‘s so amusing?” Nick asked self consciously. “Oh, nothing.” Greg ran his sticky hands up and down his lovers muscular back. “I’m just wondering where I’m going to stick my candle.”

Nick was attempting to make Devils Food Cake.


2 1/2 cups white sugar
1 cup margarine
5 eggs
3 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1 cup buttermilk

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour a 9x13 inch pan. In a medium bowl, cream together the sugar and butter. Beat in the eggs, one at a time. Stir in the vanilla. Sift together the flour, cocoa, baking soda, cloves and cinnamon. Add the dry ingredients to the creamed mixture alternately with the buttermilk. Pour the batter into the prepared pan. Bake for 35 to 45 minutes in the preheated oven, until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Cover with Frosting.
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