Unbelievable by Kimmay7 [Reviews - 3]


I wish you didn’t love me
I wish you’d make this easy
It was love that caught me
Now it's fear that keeps me with you

“Why do you make me do this to you? Why can’t you just do as I say?”

Greg looked up into the eyes of the man who (he thought) loved him, seeing no trace of the affection that had seemed ever-present. Now the man’s eyes were void of all emotion. All except deep, searing hate. As he lay on the ground, all Greg could do was hope to God his lover would come to his senses sooner than he did last time.

Greg hadn’t known about this dark side before. Before they began their relationship, there had only been playful and charming banter, staring when one thought the other wasn’t looking; even slight touches that could be construed as innocent, although were anything but. When they finally did decide to pursue a relationship, the caring looks and sweet smiles were slowly revealed as a veneer, a cover for the insecure, violently jealous man inside.

Greg had tried to leave once, had made it to the elevator with his bags packed. Had a job ready and waiting for him to run away to, wanting to sever all ties with his abuser, even if that meant leaving his coveted job at the crime lab.

The doors had opened to reveal his lover.

Greg got the worst beating of his life that night.

I want to be by your side
So I can close my eyes
To the growing emptiness inside that kills me
When I'm with you

When out and in public, Greg could almost make himself believe that what they had was a healthy, loving relationship. The boisterous laughing emitting from his boyfriend, the way he surprised Greg with whatever it was he had pointed out in the shop window that day. Sometimes Greg would look at the other man and find the love that he so longed for throughout his life.

Then the illusion would be shattered, someone else would just look at Greg in the wrong way, and everything would fall to pieces. Accusations flew his way, followed by flying fists and dirty insults, always resulting in Greg huddled in the floor, feeling emptier than empty and lower than dirt. As though he was the freak above him whispering words of regret and sorrow for the third or, more likely, tenth time that week.

You try to break me Try to hate me
So you can fall out of love
You want to make me believe that I'm crazy
That I'm nothing with out you

There were days when Greg felt he was getting what he deserved. Was his lover supposed to sit back and do nothing while people practically threw themselves at the man he loved?

Then, some days, Greg would get a wake up call. He would hear about or, if he was “lucky” in some sense, take part in a case where a victim was beaten to death by jealous/angry/crazy boyfriend. In one case, the police nabbed the husband, and he left nothing to the imagination.

He had gone by the hospital where his wife worked to pay her a visit, and had seen her hugging another man with a kiss on the cheek afterward.

She walked in the door that night tired, but excited. He promptly beat her within an inch of her life, before stopping to let her writhe in pain. He yelled at her that if she wasn’t with him she would be nothing, she could be with no one else. He raised his fist and let it come crashing down against her face, breaking her neck and ending her life.

It wasn’t until the man was in the interrogation room looking almost-smug that the medical examiner came in, whispering something in the chief’s ear. Anger flashed in the captain’s eyes and he pushed the murderer against the wall, whispering in a deadly voice:

“Your wife was pregnant, you sick son of a bitch.”

It's unbelievable but I believed you
Unforgivable but I forgave you
Insane what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you

The moments right after each beating were those in which Greg hated himself most. Because he would rationalize everything, try to figure out what he had done that day to deserve it. Had he unknowingly sent signals to another man? Did he forget to clean up a mess? What was it?

On the days he couldn’t figure it out, he knew it was because there was no reason.

Just beating for beating’s sake.

I feel you in my shadow
My heart feels cold and hollow
No matter where I run I see
Your eyes always follow me
You try to hold me
Try to own me
Keeping something that's not yours
You want to make me
Believe that I'm crazy
Make me think that you're the cure

One day, Greg Sanders finally snapped.

He had come in the door, only to find his lover with that look, the one that preceded every single thrashing. The one that so clearly said I Hate You.

And he wouldn’t take it.

Not again.

So he grabbed the nearest thing to him: an old baseball bat from the man’s college days that happened to be hanging by the door. One that had been a prop in so many of Greg’s own beatings, only to be washed and hung up again, almost as a reminder every time he left the house.

Before he could fathom what was going on, Greg swung with every ounce of built up hurt and hatred. He imagined every instance in which it would have been him with his eyes wide, realizing what was about to happen, barely able to react before having the weapon connect.

Greg left that night, with his ex-lover still writhing on the floor in pain, unable to get up. Screaming for Greg to come back, to convince him to turn around and continue to love him as he had done countless times before. Tried to convince him that they needed each other.

Never once did Greg so much as glance over his shoulder at the remnants of his life

It's unbelievable but I believed you
Unforgivable but I forgave you
Insane what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you
You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you
Now I'm standing on my own

He lived with his best friend Jason for a little while, telling him a slight truth that he had broken up with a boyfriend and needed a place to stay while he got new living and working arrangements back in order.

If Jase ever noticed the bruises on Greg’s arms or the winces whenever he put too much weight on his ribs, he didn’t say anything.

Then he got a call. A new job, a new place, an entire new state for that matter. So he took it. He got on a plane with his entire life in boxes thousands of miles below him in a UPS truck, a carry-on bag of clothes the only thing handy.

His brand new start made him feel empowered. But it didn’t take away the pain of feeling utterly alone.

You're still haunting me
In my sleep
You're all I see
But I can't go back
Cause I know it's wrong
For us to go on
And I'm growing strong
To confront my fears

When Greg Sanders walked into his new crime lab, he was met by a woman named Keri, a sweet CSI of maybe 45 who had taken it as her calling to explain to him everything he would possibly need to know.

She went through the basics of the lab: dayshift, swing, and graveyard, trying to get along but failing miserably most of the time. Graveyard wiped the floor with the other two, the CSIs and lab techs being superior in every facet, and their supervisor arguably the most brilliant criminalist in the country.

Greg could tell just from listening to Keri that it was a tight knit group, and he felt like an intruder, like he wouldn’t be accepted with his loud clothes and louder personality. What if they had been close with the last DNA tech, and wouldn’t want him treading on that territory? The entire reason he had transferred was to get away from the feeling of not being good enough.

“Greg? Did I lose you already?” Keri looked amused, but concerned at the same time. He snapped out of his trance and grinned, successfully hiding the growing fear of rejection.

He would get through this.

Las Vegas would be better than San Francisco ever was.

It had to be.

It's unbelievable but I believed you
Unforgivable but I forgave you
Insane what love can do
That keeps me coming back to you
You're irreplaceable but I'll replace you
Now I'm standing on my own

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