Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were.|
Beta'd with much thanks by Shacky20
I find myself at Nick's hospital bed wondering if he'll ever wake up. I'm standing here, as he lies in a coma, and knowing I should have done more, could have done something else, anything else, but all my would have's and could have's are way too late now."
We both worked a double and we were beyond exhausted , Nick wanted to take a cab but I insisted I was alright to drive. I didn't want to waste money on cab fare, "if only I'd know how much it would have cost me now". I wish he would have insisted but he was too tired to argue with me, I wish I would have listened to him. I wish that damn B&E wouldn't have come in, I wish It was me lying there, but wishes and prayers and hopes and dreams don't live here anymore. I don't remember falling asleep at the wheel. The last thing I remember was Nick screaming my name, I opened my eyes just in time to see the headlights of the other vehicle. I remember the horrible sound of metal crunching against metal, and breaking glass. What I don't understand is how I came through this without a scratch. Why was I the lucky one while Nick hovers between life and death?
I can't stand to see him like this so I take a break and find my self back at the lab to find comfort, everyone looks so sad and withdrawn. They can't even look at me now, I know they blame me just like I blame myself. I don't hold it against them, everybody loves Nick. I see Sara standing in the hall, leaning against the wall in tears. I walk up to her and try to speak but no words come out. Suddenly she looks my way but doesn't look me in the eye.
“Why Greg?” She asked. “Why did this have to happen?” She puts her hands to her face.
“I didn't mean for this to happen, Sara.” I whisper, holding back tears myself.
“I have to get out of here. I can't deal with this.” She says under her breath as she walks away.
“Sara wait!” I yell after her but she ignores me and keeps walking.
I walk into the evidence room where I find Warrick and Catherine. I heard them talking about me and Nick before I entered but when I came in silence fell over the room. I know they both wish they could be at the hospital with Nick but there's work to be done. They won't look at me either. I know I caused Nick to be like this, I just can't believe they are treating me like an enemy. Maybe it's all in my head but I can't help feeling like a hated man.
"Guys," I tried to begin, but my voice failed me. "I, I know this is my fault. I would do anything to change it, but I can't. I love him, he's my life. Don't you understand that it was an accident? I, God, he's my life." Tears overflowed as I felt them stain my cheeks.
“Doctor's say he may never wake up.” Warrick answers, but he's looking at Catherine, guess he can't face me either.
“It's a shame, he's been though so much.” Catherine replied. “If he does wake up, nothing will be the same.”
I want to say something encouraging, like Nick is strong and he'll pull through this but I'm not sure if I believe it myself. So I say nothing, just stand there and stare at them as they go over the evidence. I wonder if they know how lucky they are to have found love. I found mine, and now I might lose it. Just then Grissom came into the room.
“I'm heading to the morgue, would one of you care to accompany me?” Grissom asked.
Both Warrick and Catherine slowly shake their heads no but I speak up and volunteer. I need something to do to keep my mind off things.
“I'll go with you.” I say quietly as I follow Grissom out the door, away from the friends I once had. .
“Alright then.” Grissom turns and leaves, I follow him.
We walk to the morgue side by side but he doesn't say anything, sometimes it's easier not to talk to him, so I remain quiet too. He must be angry with me anyway, one of his best CSI's is in the hospital all because of an error in judgment on my part. We enter the morgue and I stand behind him as he and Doc Robbins discuss the body on the table.
“What did you find out?” Grissom asked, removing his glasses and pinching between his eyes.
“What I expected, massive internal injuries and bleeding. Severe head trauma.” Doc answers. “He never had a chance.”
“They tried so hard to save him at the scene.” Grissom said, his voice cracking with emotion.
'That's strange' I thought, when does Grissom show emotion over a stranger dead in the morgue? He's always so professional. He normally keeps his emotions to himself, why is this body different. My curiosity gets the best of me and I move out from behind him to look for myself. What I see lying on that table chills me to my very core.
I see my own lifeless body lying there before me!! I was the one who died in that accident, Nick is the lucky one who is still clinging to life! No, wait, I can't be dead! I reach out to try and touch my body but my hand goes right though it, I reach out and try to grab Grissom's arm but the same thing happens. I want him to tell me this is all a bad dream, I'm not dead, I can't be!
“Grissom, I'm right here! I'm not dead...please tell me I'm not dead!!” I beg him, but he cannot hear me.
“Whoa, I just felt a cold chill.” Grissom says to Doc rubbing his hand along his arm where I tried to touch him. “Did you feel it too?”
“It's the morgue,” Doc replies. “I always feel chills.”
Then it hits me, the tears in the lab were not just because Nick was in a coma, they were crying over my death! They weren't ignoring me nor were they mad at me. They couldn't see me! They weren't reacting to me at all, Sara wasn't talking to me, she was talking to herself the way she always does when she's upset. The others were reacting to each other. My own thoughts and words were just my own, they had to understand he was my life too.
All of a sudden their conversation starts to fade and I suddenly find myself back in Nick's hospital room. I know the damage to his brain is so severe that it will not keep him alive much longer. That's why I am still here, I'm waiting for him, I cannot go alone if he is meant to leave this world with me, I have waited for him all my life, and I'll wait for him now as well, as it should be. I watch as Nick's body takes one last breath and the heart monitor stops beeping and changes to a steady signal. No doctors or nurses rush in to save him because Nick stipulated in a living will that he does not wish to be resuscitated if he is brain damaged or kept alive by machines.
He rises from his body and stands next to me and smiles at me like he always does. He doesn't blame me for what happened to us. Then he takes my hand and together we enter the beautiful bright light that beckons us. Soul mates, together for all eternity.
Death fics are not normally my thing but I felt compelled to write this. Feedback appreciated.