I hope I'm not too late|
I hope that you're okay
I left in a hurry
As soon as they told me
So I prayed for you
Hang on 'til tomorrow
Just don't leave me here today
I'm coming home to you
Should've been there I wanted to
Should've been there right next to you
Should've been there to comfort you
Should've been there to sing to you
Should've been there to hold your hand
Should've been there to be with you
After all that we've been through
Greg was dreaming, he was lost in a nightmare that he couldn’t force himself awake from. He could see vividly his Nick laying on that bed, stark white walls, bandages on each of his wrists, tubes up his nose and how pale he looked. His skin was almost grey and every time Greg tried to go to him something would stop him and hold him back. He began to scream at the top of his lungs and flew up in his bed. He was soaking wet and he had a splitting headache. Never in his whole life had he had such a restless sleep. He kept having the same nightmare over and over again, where he couldn’t get to Nick. He had to force his heart back to regular beating and lay back down. He knew that he had missed most of his classes that day and he wasn’t sure that he had the energy to even get dressed. All he had left was Crim101 and his Philosophy tutorial, so he just pulled a pillow over his head and took a deep breath. His friends would give him all the notes that he had missed, he was sure of that. He hugged the pillow close to him and tried to qualm the tears that were threatening to fall from his already sore and itching eyes. He jumped when he heard the knock on his door, he lifelessly opened it and stared out at who was on the other side.
“Greg? Honey are you alright? You look like hell.”
“Thanks Kristen, at least I know I look like how I feel.”
Kristen, his friend Tom’s girlfriend was the worrier out of all his friends and he knew that just by looking at him she would decide that something was wrong with him.
“Tom went to class, but he was worried about you, said it wasn’t like you to miss classes.”
Greg didn’t know what to say so he just shrugged his shoulders and let her in and closed the door behind her, he sat on his bed and let her stand in the middle of his room and look around at her surroundings.
“Greg why are you sitting in you room in the dark?”
“I wasn’t just sitting in the dark Kris, I just woke up, I had a really long and fucked up night.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
Kristen could see the unshed tears in Greg’s eyes, there were rings around them and they were red, so whatever it was that was on Greg’s mind had to be big, because he never cried. He hugged himself and sighed a fractured sigh.
“Do you remember the guy I told you about?”
“Yeah, well a friend of ours called me really early this morning to tell me that Nick tried to commit suicide.”
Greg had to swallow the lump that was in his throat, and tried to continue what he was saying.
“He’s in the hospital right now and so far Warrick hasn’t called me back to tell me how he is, so I don’t know what’s going on, but for a while they didn’t expect him to make it. I’ve been going insane since then, I tried to sleep but I was rewarded with nightmares, staying awake isn’t much better either because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I can’t go to him because I’m so damn far away.”
“Nick wouldn’t want you to be this worked up Greg, you need to calm down.”
“You don’t understand Kristen. He did this because of me. He was hurting inside, and he doesn’t cope with confusion or pain very well and the only way he can really make it go away is to hurt himself. I never really understood it, but I accepted it. We worked on his stopping and the whole time that we were together, he only cut twice, but as soon as I left he did it again, I shouldn’t have left him. I shouldn’t’ have been so selfish.”
Kristen gripped the trembling Greg that was in front of her, she was getting angry but not at Greg. At Nick, for making Greg think such awful things.
“Greg, this is not your fault okay. Nick seems to be the selfish one, he was the one who reacted badly towards the way you left, he wouldn’t accept it and thought only of himself and how the whole situation affected him. I was here when you first arrived he wasn’t. You were miserable and it took at least a week to even make you smile, but I’m not saying that he deserves to be hurting, I’m sorry to hear that he’s in the hospital and I hope that he gets better, but If you don’t quit blaming yourself I’ll be angry”
“I didn’t even want to loose him Kristen, long distance relationships suck but god I’d do anything to keep him, but he didn’t even give me a chance really, he just turned me away every time I tried. He even turned his back on me the day I left. I’m just so confused; I’ve never seen this angry side of Nick before. I know that there’s things emotionally wrong with him, but he was taking meds for it, and he was getting so much better, but the day I told him I was leaving it was like he pulled in on himself as if a turtle going inside a shell and it’s like he never came back out.”
Kristen wiped away the tears that were streaming down Greg’s pale cheeks and hugged him tightly as he sobbed into her chest, she couldn’t hear what he was saying, but she made out a few words such as “Not fair” and “stupid” and “god I miss him”, her heart was breaking for him and she didn’t know how to make it better. They broke out of their hug when the phone rang, Greg paled even more and reached out for the phone and with shaky hands put it to his ear.
The voice was raspy and forlorn it even took on a tone of shame.
“Nick?, is that you”
“Yeah G, it’s me”
“How…How are you?”
Greg felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest, he wanted to scream and yell at Nick for being such a jerk, but he couldn’t feel any anger towards him he tried but it just wasn’t possible, all he could feel was relief and love.
“I’m okay I think. I have been awake for a couple of hours or so, Warrick was going to call you but he decided that I should do it instead. I’m so sorry G.”
“It’s okay Nick, It doesn’t matter as long as you’re okay”
“I’m okay, my parents are discussing therapy with my doctor, they want to put me into the psych ward for a little while and put me into therapy. Maybe it’s for the best, it might help me control what’s going on inside of my head. “
“If you think it’s for the best Nicky then you do it, and like I’ve told you so many times, I’ll be a phone call away if you ever need me.”
Greg cold feel the lump forming in his throat again, Kristen was sitting on his bed waiting for Greg to get off the phone and tell her what was going on.
“I do think it’s for the best, I just hope it helps. I can’t keep going on feeling this way, Anger is just not an emotion I enjoy.”
“I don’t enjoy angry you either, How are your arms?”
“23 stitches in each wrist, gonna scar but I pretty much deserve it for being so stupid.”
Nick cut him off.
“Yeah G. I’ve been acting stupid, you and I both know that, so don’t even try and convince me other wise, but I have to go now. I don’t know when I’ll be getting out, or when I can call you again, but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am.”
“I forgive you Nick, It’s okay, you just concentrate on getting better.”
“I love You G.”
“I love you too Nick, Bye”
Greg hung up the phone and he plunked down beside Kristen and just stared off into space for a few minutes until Kristen poked him in the side.
“So, tell me what’s going on?”
“They’re keeping him for intensive therapy”
“No offence Greg, but to me, it sounds like he really needs it.”
“Yeah….He really does”
Greg grew silent, and Kristen looked over at him and realized that he had fallen asleep, she pulled the blankets over him and smoothed out his hair, and kissed him on the cheek and locked the door before she closed it behind her, taking one last look behind her, making sure that he really was okay.
Yes it's hard to say goodbye
And what I wish right now is to somehow turn back time
With all of the love
That I hold right here for you
Hang on 'til tomorrow
Just don't leave me here today
I'm coming home to you