I should be out in that driveway stoppin' you|
Tears should be rollin' down my cheek
And I don't know why I'm not fallin' apart
Like I usually do
And how the thought of losin' you's not killin' me
Nick stared as the black truck backed out of his drive way, his lover in the passenger side staring blankly black back at him. He was leaving him, it was the end of the summer, the moment he dreaded for the better part of four months. He knew the day would come, but he didn’t think he’d feel like this.
I feel bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
He remembered when the news was gently broke to him.
“I’m moving back to San Francisco, I’ve been accepted at the university there, I’m going to go”
Was his numb reply, he wanted to pull away from the gentle embrace that he was being held in, and yell at him. Why would he do something like this to him, just up and leave after all that they had been through.
It was his Grade 11 year when Greg came into his life. His parents had moved to Dallas from San Francisco and were planning on staying. He was in a serious relationship at the time, or so he thought, so he didn’t really pay much attention to Greg when he first was accepted into his group of friends. Sure he thought he was cute and had an amazing personality, but he didn’t really want to get to know Greg, not sure why he decided to give him a chance, they exchanged emails and got to know each other through MSN during their computer classes during second period. That’s where Nick learned that Greg knew how to play guitar, he was interested in guitars and would give anything to learn how to play.
“I can teach you?”
Was the eager reply when Nick said that he’d really love to learn how to play, he needed something to get his mind off the constant fighting that was between him and his girlfriend Stacy. He began to go to Greg’s every Tuesday and he was actually learning how to play the guitar, after they’d play they’d end up watching a movie and Nick would stay for supper, and then his parents would pick him up being as he didn’t have his license.
Nick broke up with his girlfriend in October, and he couldn’t decide weather he was heartbroken or relieved, by that time him and Greg had become best friends and he was spending almost all of his time with him, one day while at his house practicing the guitar Greg hugged him out of no where, and then before Nick knew what was going on, they were groping and touching each other.
At first he was ashamed of what was going on, his head was confused and he didn’t know how to resolve the mess that he had made. He emailed Greg tons of emails explaining that what they were doing was wrong, they shouldn’t’ be together like that, Not because he was a guy, but because they were best friends, but each and every time he’d end up in Greg’s basement fiddling with the guitars they’d end up touching each other.
“I’ve never done anything like this before”
Was a shy confession coming from Greg’s lips, when Nick looked up and stared at him the blush was very evident on Greg’s usually pale face, Nick ran his hands through Greg’s hair and held his hand gently.
“Never done anything like what before?”
“Anything, I may talk big, but I’m still a blushing virgin, haven’t even kissed anyone before”
His blush started to spread to the rest of his body, and Nick sat up and stared at him.
“So, I’m the first person to ever touch you like this then?”
He rubbed his thumb over the head of Greg’s penis and he arched his hips and sucked in a deep breath, closed his eyes and nodded. Nick nodded and did it again, enjoying the sounds coming from Greg’s lips.
“Do you trust me?”
Greg nodded slowly and gasped as Nick took him deeply into his mouth, and it wasn’t long before he was coming hard, he had Nick’s hair gripped tightly into his hands and his eyes were screwed tightly shut.
That was the first two months of Nick’s and Greg’s relationship, innocent touches and pretty heavy petting, it was a secret from the world, but they pretty much suspected that all of their friends knew the difference.
Nick closed his eyes and remembered their first kiss; they were lying on his bed in his room watching a movie, the title of the movie long ago erased from his memory, but the kiss. The kiss will be forever etched into his mind. It started off with a tentative touch of lips, and then he licked the bottom of Greg’s lip for entrance into his warm mouth , Nick felt like there were sparks going off inside of his head and it felt like he was in heaven, it was the best kiss that he had ever shared with someone, and finally after feeling like Greg didn’t care enough to kiss him, he felt light and very much happy.
“I think I’m ready for you to make love to me Nick”
Was whispered breathlessly into Nick’s ear while laying in bed one night, Nick stared at Greg.
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life”
That’s all Nick needed to hear before he made Greg completely his.
Nick had never been in a happier relationship, and he had been in some pretty good ones, and he had never laughed so much, sure sometimes they fought, and sometimes Greg was really pigheaded about things, but he was pretty sure Greg felt he was pretty stubborn at times, and his heart broke the day Greg told him he was leaving.
“We’ll always be friends Nick, I promise”
Nick felt his heart shatter even more at those words.
He swiped the tears out of his eyes angrily.
“How the hell am I going to go back to being friends with you, I can’t.”
Nick turned his back on Greg, who had tears streaming down his cheeks. And when Greg’s father pulled into the driveway to take his lover away he wanted to grab Greg and convince him to stay, that the colleges in Dallas were just as good, but he couldn’t, he just kept his back turned until he heard the door close of the truck, that’s when he turned around and all he could feel was emptiness and anger. How could someone he loved who claimed they loved him back, just up and leave like that.
I could let myself be angry over wasted time
And sad about you just throwin' love away
Yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking
But I cant lie
All I want to do is turn the page
I feel bad
I just feel it's time- it's time to move on
I just gotta move on and on and on and on -Yeah
Maybe it's just i've cried so much
i'm tired and i'm numb,
oh baby, i hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
no, i don't feel bad
Song: I feel bad by Rascall Flatts