CSI
New Dress Code by Catlover2x [Reviews - 4]

For once Greg was caught up. He kicked back in his chair and groaned as he stretched as far as he could. He knew the lull wouldn't last long as most of the night shift were out on cases, so it was a good time to take a break.

He shrugged his lab coat off his shoulders and went to the break room. He got a spoon and a container of ice-cream, Starbucks Coffee-Java Chip, of course, and slowly sucked ice cream off the spoon, closing his eyes to savor the cold, sweet sensation that engulfed his mouth.

"Uh, Greg?" Sara said.

"What?" he asked, eventually opening his eyes when she didn't answer.

She was staring at him, her gaze flicking down and then back up to his face. "Um, uh, nothing…I guess." A tiny smile tugged at the corner of her mouth but she spun around and left the room.

"Weird," Greg muttered. "Do I want to find out what that was about or is ice-cream more important?" After consideration he opted for the psyche-healing powers of ice-cream.

After he washed the spoon, he sauntered down the hall. Usually he flew through the halls like a bat out of hell, lab coat flying behind him, but until someone brought him something to process, he really didn't have anything to do. Greg waved at Jacqui who looked up and suddenly emitted a wild shriek of laughter that he could hear through the glass. Whirling, she knocked on the glass to Archie's AV lab to get his attention and pointed at Greg. Archie looked over and started cracking up also.

What was wrong, Greg wondered? He looked down and saw that no skin was showing that shouldn't be. He headed for the restroom to see if his face was dirty. Nope. No Nicky-hickeys on his neck and his hair looked totally hot. Oh yeah.

Maybe it was the sneakers? He went back down the hall and did a foot-check on Archie and Bobby, ignoring their rude snickering, but they were both wearing sneakers too. He checked his socks, but his jeans were so baggy and long no one could see his socks and anyway, they matched.

Warrick hurried down the hall deep in thought, but when he caught sight of Greg, he let out a whoop of laughter, pointing and choking. Catherine came along after him and she handed him her bottle of water, then did a double take at Greg. Greg just shrugged, holding both hands out with a "what?" kind of gesture. He looked over his shoulder to see if someone had stuck a sign on his back, but they hadn't.

"Maybe you should get back to the lab, Greg," Catherine said, patting Warrick on the back.

Greg went back to the lab and put his lab coat on. Whatever the problem was, at least no one had laughed earlier while he was wearing it.

About ten minutes later, he got a page. "Oh, no; Grissom," he thought. "Whatever this is, I'm gonna hear about it now."

Leaving his lab coat on, Greg headed reluctantly for Grissom's office. Catherine was already there leaning against Grissom’s desk with her arms crossed.

Grissom said, "Greg, I hear you're causing a bit of a stir tonight."

"Yeah, I know, but I don't know why," Greg said seriously.

"Well, it's what you're wearing," Grissom started.

Greg looked down in a panic. He hadn't worn those jeans with the crotch ripping out, had he?

"Would you remove your lab coat please, Greg?" Grissom asked.

Uh oh, thought Greg. He wasn't at all happy with his last foray into the arena of strip forensics and who knew where this was going.

"Oh, cut to the chase," Catherine interrupted, as Greg took it off. "Greg, did you even look at your T-shirt before you put it on this morning?"

"Um, no, I was running a little late and it was at the top of the clean pile." Greg asked, bewildered, "Why, is it dirty?"

"It says: 'THINK TESTICLES', Greg"

Silence. Then Greg started to laugh. "Oh, I forgot."

"Is this a statement of some sort, a declaration of sexual preference or dysfunction? Or is it a plea for medical assistance perhaps?" Grissom asked mildly.

"No," choked Greg, trying not to collapse in a pile of helpless snorting giggles. "It's Engrish."

"And what might that be?" Catherine asked sternly, but with amusement flickering in her eyes as she watched the lab tech laughing.

"You haven't heard of Engrish.com?" Greg was shocked. "Let me show you."

He walked around to Grissom's laptop and asked, "May I?" Grissom nodded.

As Greg typed in the URL and opened the Engrish.com site, he explained, "Most of the Engrish on here isn't really an attempt to communicate. In Japan, English copy is used as a design element to give a modern look to packaging and signage, so they're not about correct translation, which makes for some funny shi- um, stuff."

Gil and Catherine looked over his shoulders as the site opened to reveal the Engrish of the Day.

The photo showed a drinking glass in a sanitary wrap printed with:

Disinfected
Maybe I've been hoping too hard. But I've gone this far. And it's more than I hoped for.


"Very zen," commented Gil, thoughtfully.

Catherine's and Greg's eyes met, wondering if Gil was serious, which was certainly possible because it sounded like one of those zen-like riddles he sometimes produced in answer to a straight question.

Greg clicked to a different entry showing an image of packaged toilet paper reading:

Wood Note
We are looking for something in nature.
Let's enjoy a natural feeling with woody goods.
For a better life.


Gil started to smile a little. "I think I'm starting to catch the trend," he said.

"Okay, this one is a CD cover for a Japanese pop star," Greg chuckled. "Imagine how this would fly here."

Takanori Makes Revolution
Handsome as life he's our lord
I'm feeling such a dude
High-tone vocals superimposed on
a fast -paces sound
Give me 3-D vision
Next my generation.


"Such a dude!" Catherine repeated happily.

"That's me!" Greg grinned. "And for you, Cath, how about this coffee-shop sign?"

To stay at home and tend her even
And drown her post regrets
In coffee and cigarettes
I'm mooning all the morning
morning all the night.


"Oh, oh!" She bent over, gasping for breath from laughing so hard. "Just what I've always wanted from a man. And a café!"

Gil grabbed the mouse from Greg and clicked 'next' to reveal the cover of a textbook with the title:

Terrako's English lesson–
Very Fucking English Lesson
Summer/Fall 2001 Course Schedule


Greg couldn't remember ever seeing Gil laugh before, but he was breaking up. "I think someone could use a few more lessons," Grissom chortled.

The next item was a storefront with bold signage announcing:

Import Casual Wear
;01 Black Jeans for your Ass;


By this time Catherine was hanging onto the back of Gil's chair convulsed in laughter while Grissom chuckled as he paged forward to see a package of… something… that read:

Spanking!
By the Sea
The earth consists of the the water of 130, 000, 000 cubic km.
Then you and I live having 65% of water. We are living with the earth after all.
Nomadic Inc.


Gil nudged Catherine and pointed, sniggering.

"I got my T-shirt from their online store," Greg explained, as he clicked on the store link. Catherine giggled at a photo of an adorable young girl holding her fingers up in the peace sign, wearing a T-shirt with an angry-looking Teddy Bear that said:
Fuck Off!


That did it for Catherine. "Ow, ow," she moaned, gasping and clutching her arms around her waist.

"They don't seem to have anything with bugs but I thought you'd like this one, Grissom." And Greg selected a larger view of a T-shirt showing the universal graphic of a human figure dropping trash in a can with the legend displayed:
Poisonous & evil rubbish


"And you actually say this," Greg pointed to another shirt.

Just do it.


"Okay, Greg, I get it," said Gil, still smiling. "But perhaps you'd better save that shirt, as amusing as it is, for private wear."

"Got it." Greg slipped out, thankful to have escaped so easily this time. He smiled as he heard more laughter echoing from Grissom's office as he headed for the locker room. Luckily he had another T-shirt in his locker, so he yanked his 'Think Testicles' shirt off and rooted for the other one hoping it was more innocuous.

"Hey, G!" Nick looked around quickly and then slid his hands over Greg's back before dropping a kiss on the back of his neck. "Why are you changing?"

"New dress code," Greg grinned. "No more Engrish T-shirts at work. I've been warned. You'd better change too," he said, pointing at the T-shirt he'd given Nick just the night before.

Nick looked down at his new T-shirt which proclaimed:

HEAD will give you more excitement.


Nick dove for his locker.

_____

A/N2: I am not paid to promote http://www.engrish.com/ or their products, I just think it's hysterical. You can see all this hilarity and more if you go there. I did not make up any of this Engrish.

And before you flame, I am semi bi-lingual and I know the difficulties of communicating colloquially in another language. I'm not laughing at them, I'm laughing with them, as they can laugh at my poor attempts to grapple with gendered articles, nouns and pronouns. In fact, they did, come to think of it.
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