Confessions of Bobo|
Hi, I'm Bobo. Nice name, right? If you have any idea who my owner is, then you’d understand. I'm Greg Sanders' pet turtle, and I swear I've seen more sex than Jenna Jameson.
I sit here all day in my ritzy, five-star tank. It’s kinda boring, actually, until they come home. The door slams open and damn! You think they’d have the common decency to come into the apartment before they start ripping each other’s clothes off! I can only wonder how they haven’t been fired yet for Nick throwing Greg down on a lab bench and humping him.
I don’t blame them, but who could? Greg is Greg. How could anyone not be attracted to that man? And Nick...Nick’s a piece of work. Especially with his shirt off. Believe it or not, I was a straight turtle before Greg took me home. (I’m sure you’re all like “What the hell?! What’s a turtle doing looking at humans?” but remember, this is Nick and Greg we’re talking about here!)
I remember the first night they...well, you know. It took a while for the boys to discover each other. I mean, Greg had a crush on Nick since the very beginning. He came home from his first day at the Las Vegas crime lab in a daze. It was adorable, actually. He wandered over to my tank where I was staring at him innocently in my I’m-so-cute way.
“I met someone today,” he had told me. “His name’s Nick. I think I’m in love.” Then, Greg flopped down onto his bed and did what all boys-with-crushes do. That wouldn’t be the last time I heard him moan the name “Nick!”
Anyway, back to what I was saying. It was about a year after Greg joined the lab. He’d been planning this for months. Nick came over for a couple beers and to watch a game on TV. After only a few beers, Nick just started talking. He didn’t even sound that drunk!
“Did you hear about the dead hooker? I fucked her. And they thought I killed her,” he had started.
Greg stayed silent.
“I don’t even know why, Greg. I guess she just got me so damn drunk. I don’t do chicks. Haven’t in a long time.”
I’ll never forget the look on Greg’s face. It was shock and surprise and joy all rolled into one. He looked unsure of how to take Nick’s confession, but before I knew it they were kissing and hands were everywhere and wow.
I worried about Greg, though. (He didn’t have a dog, he had me. Some kind of animal had to be loyal to him, right?) He’d been hurt by one night stands before. Hurt badly. Emotionally, I mean. I remember this one guy...he told Greg he loved him and then slipped out in the middle of the night while Greg was asleep. Greg was screwed up for days.
But Nick wasn’t that kind of guy. Thank the turtle gods.
Nick stayed the night. And he was back the next. And the next after that. I was happy for them. They had quite a healthy relationship. And by healthy I mean they-had-sex-every-night healthy. Seriously, folks. I, Bobo the turtle, am now an expert on gay sex. I kinda felt bad for the neighbors, with all the grunting and moaning and bed-squeaking that the boys do. The people in the apartment adjacent to the bed’s wall? They moved out about two months after Nick moved in permanently. I can see why they decided to leave – I’ve learned to sleep while Nick and Greg are at work, or else I’d never get some shut-eye. And another thing: I’ve been scarred for life ever since Nick tossed one of those slimy rubber things and it splattered across the front wall of my tank!
I really think I’ve seen it all. For example, Greg just happens to have a major cop fetish and Nick just happens to still have his old cop uniform. And this one time, Greg got Nick to try this weird dark sticky stuff. He called it “liquid latex”, I think. Nick was pretty unsure of it at first but it turned out he liked it. I still think that’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen my boys do.
They have such a great relationship. Nick and Greg are the perfect match for each other. Strong, dependable Nick and crazy, adorable Greg. I can’t imagine anyone who would be better for either of them. The worst fights they ever had were squabbles over what to watch on TV. At least, that’s the way it was for the first two years...
It happened in the year - hold on, you humans and your way of telling time can be so confusing - two-oh-oh-three. 2003. I remember because it happened only a few weeks after that new-year thingy that seems to be such a big deal. (And I thought sober Nick-and-Greg sex was messy...)
Sorry, I keep getting sidetracked. I didn’t catch the beginning of the fight – the door hit the wall hard enough to crack and they were arguing. It was one heated argument. Something happened at work, or something. I caught snippets of words and phrases like “in the field,” “Grissom,” “Archie,” “the lab.” To tell you the truth, I didn’t understand it. But it ended with a broken lamp and Nick getting kicked out.
For the next few months, Greg was a wreck. Poor guy. He cried himself to sleep more than once. Spent a lot of time on the computer, even brought a few random guys home only to tearfully send them out the door before anything happened. Nick came by a few times to pick his stuff up. They barely talked. “Hi.” “Yeah.” “Over there.” “Bye.” It hurt me to see it.
Their relationship changed again around...April or May. (I think that’s what they’re called, anyway.) Greg didn’t come home right after work like always. No matter what the weather or circumstances, he would never be more than five or ten minutes late. It worried me.
Nick came into the apartment, way later than I was expecting anyone to. I was surprised to see him, but he looked horrible. Like he’d been crying. He found my food and filled my water and sat down on the edge of Greg’s bed and started talking to me like Greg used to do.
“Greg’s been in an accident,” he said through sobs. “He’s going to be okay, though. He won’t be here to see you for a while.” He went on to say stuff about fire and shattered glass and eventually fell asleep on Greg’s bed. By the way Nicky was acting, I could tell one thing for sure, however: they were back together.
Greg came back from the hospital sooner than I’d expected. Nick was right by his side. For the first few weeks, there was a lot of cuddling and kissing. Mushy stuff. I understood. Greg was almost lost for good, after all. Another thing I noticed – Greg’s got scars running down his back. They’ve faded a bit, now, but at first they were angry and red and I could see it pained Nick to know what had happened to his love. But the accident just made their relationship stronger.
The year after that was...beautiful. It was a year of change, too. They constantly talked about Greg wanting to get into the field, to do the same job Nick was doing. It was something Greg had wanted for a long time. It wasn’t long ‘til their sex life picked up again, either. Lucky me…
Recently, Greg got promoted. He made it as a CSU or CSI or whatever it’s called. I think it was the happiest day in Greg’s life. Nick cooked him a big steak dinner complete with candles and music and…ahh. Romance at its best. Then they took the celebration to the bedroom and boy, did they celebrate! I was so happy for both of them, especially since they had just gotten over dealing with the splitting of the shifts. I hope that problem’s fixed soon, though, because I think their lust for each other has tripled.
I’d love to sit and talk more to you all, but I think I hear Nick and Greg coming. They had spent the night club-hopping – what are they, frogs? – and every time they do that they get naked faster than normal and don’t make it past the couch. Good night, and I hope you all can find a Nick or Greg for your own!