Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were, if so less clothing, as always.
A/N: Thank you to Godgaleshot, Fred_bear and Helena_eternal for their encouragement and interest.
Mustard, no three kinds of mustard, who needs three kinds? Butter, chocolate, well at least that makes sense, honey mustard sauce, hmm, possibilities, active yeast? Pickled teriyaki garlic? Maple syrup, yep, for oatmeal, got that. Hoisin sauce?
"Greg, what is Hoisin Sauce and why do you have it?"
"It's for my Famous Smoky Korean Chicken Strips," Greg's voice came from the living room.
"Oh." Famous Smoky – Okay, whatever.
Cranberry chutney, olives, ketchup, coffee – figures, flame roasted red peppers, tamarind sauce, tabasco, Chinese hot chili sauce?
"Greg, why do you need tabasco AND Chinese hot chili sauce?"
"They have totally different flavors," came Greg's shocked voice, "The Chinese stuff has garlic in it and is a vital component of Smoky Chicken Strips. Also great on scrambled eggs."
"Oh, so that's why three different mustards too," muttered Nick, as he continued his research.
Tartar sauce, relish, soy sauce, beer, tortillas, kosher dill pickles, olives, all natural peanut butter, two–
"Two kinds of mayonnaise, why?" Nick asked.
"One for tuna, one for egg salad, different recipes, different tastes. How do you not know that?"
"Barbecue sauce, you bought store-bought barbecue sauce!" exclaimed Nick in horror. "I am going to have to show you proper, homemade Texas-style barbecue sauce so you will know that store-bought is the work of the devil."
"What are you doing anyway?" Greg said coming up behind Nick.
"I'm looking for some food. All there is in here is condiments. What do you eat, man?"
"Well, there's apples," Greg said a little defensively, "And bread and peanut butter."
"Well, that makes a great meal. What's this green round thing?"
"It's a kohlrabi," stated Greg, matter of factly. Nick looked at him doubtfully, "It's a member of the cabbage family. You can boil the greens or you can cut up the bulb and fry it in butter, but I prefer to just eat it raw. It's great! You don't know what you're missing." Greg reached to pull one out.
"That's okay, G, I think I'll continue to miss it," Nick stopped Greg in mid grab. "So how come I've never had these Famous Greg Smoky Chicken Strips?"
"Well, it's a little hard to cook when I'm flat on my back the minute we get through the door," Greg grinned.
"Oh, chocolate sauce. I've got an idea what we can do with that!" Nick smiled broadly and wiggled his eyebrows at Greg Groucho style.
"Brother, first cooking and then laundry, Greggo's work is never done," murmured Greg as Nick dragged him off to the bedroom.
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