CSI
A Different Kind of Pain by shacky20 [Reviews - 9]

Greg poked his head out from the burned out car again, doing so every couple of minutes. He had seen Nick’s slight hesitation about walking into the dark and small area to get some evidence, and worried for him. But he knew that Nick didn’t want his concern or anything else from him anymore. Truthfully, Greg knew he didn’t deserve to be the one to give it to him. He gave up that privilege when he gave up Nick, but that still didn’t stop Greg from running over to Nick as soon as he saw him come out of the underground graveyard.

“Nick, hey wait a minute.” Greg caught up quickly to Nick before he could rush away from the scene like he usually did now when they worked together.

“Yeah Greg, what is it?” Nick asked him with the same cold expression that he was used to lately. The paleness of Nick’s face and sweat pouring off of his head did not go unnoticed by Greg. He just kept telling himself he needed to make sure he co-worker was all right, if only Nick believed that lie also.

“I um, I saw you kind of hesitate before walking down there, and I just wanted to make sure you were, um you know, OK?” It didn’t even sound convincing to him, but just to get him to talk about it might be a step. He was almost afraid to hear the fear from Nick, knowing after what had happened, and reliving his own guilt at failing Nick. Knowing there was nothing he could do to change that now.

“It’s all good G, I’m fine see. I didn’t want to, but I did it and here I am back above ground now. As you said just get past it and move on, right Greg? So that‘s what I‘m doing.” Greg was used to hearing his own words thrown back at him, but it still stung a little more than he ever wanted to admit. The detachment he felt when Nick said the words sent a chill up him which made his arms ache to hold him one more time and beg his forgiveness. But it was past that point and they both knew it.

“Yeah Nicky. I just wanted to check on you, see how you were doing. And since you bothered to take the time to wave at me, I was hoping that meant you still didn’t hate me.” He looked up at Nick with hopeful eyes, but realized quickly, there was no hope left to be had, and he had no one but himself to blame.

“Look Greg, we both made our choices after…..after I was found. I’m learning to cope, to get past the little things now. It was you who left cause you couldn’t deal, so don’t come to me now with those eyes looking for absolution cause I still don’t understand and I hate it everyday, but that was your decision, so move on.”

Nick turned and walked away not being able to stand looking into those beautiful brown eyes and seeing the regret, but he wasn’t going back there, the pain was just too much for him. Being buried underground and left to die was one thing, but losing the one person who was supposed to stay and be there and love you know matter what, leaving you then, after you survived all that, that was a different kind of pain entirely. It made him cry and ache and long for Greg, and wonder why he bothered not pulling the trigger, that would have hurt less.

Before he knew it, he was being turned back toward Greg, surprised at the strength and speed at which Greg caught up to him.

“Damnit Nick, it was more than that.” Greg tried reaching for something that could help him understand, but there was no excuse, and everything he reached for slipped through his fingers like sand. “I wanted to help you Nicky, I tried but I let you………”

“No, you didn’t. You didn’t bury me there, that asshole did. But you are the one that did leave when it got hard, when I needed you most. You couldn’t live with the guilt, and I can’t live with your guilt too.” Nick would never admit how much he missed his warm body after work, or they way they would just sit on the couch doing nothing but reading. Or the other times where they couldn’t make it to the bed quick enough and clothes flew as soon as the door shut and he would take Greg right there on that same couch. But they both changed and neither one could forget what the past few months wrought on them.

“I’m sorry Nick…..”

“Damnit Greg, stop being sorry, it wasn’t your fucking fault. Yet I’m paying for it. Stop being sorry and be the guy who loved me and took care of me when I was too scared and made me laugh, who was my reason for not giving up. Stop being sorry and just be him. But you aren‘t and you can‘t now, and I‘m tired of the pain.” Trying to make Greg understand the misplaced guilt he wore like chains around his neck was something he tried to do for months, and he couldn’t do it anymore.

Greg so much wanted to be that man again, but all he saw was his failure. Then his guilt at leaving Nick when he couldn’t cope with it. No matter how he tried, Nick didn’t understand his pain was different.

“Nick, can I……can I come see you later? I could come over later after shift and maybe we could talk, please?” He wasn’t begging, really he wasn’t, because they were just friends now and he had to live with it.

“Oh, you must have forgotten about your hot date tonight G. Remember, Sara, it’s all I’ve heard about at work. Like it wasn’t bad enough losing you after all those years, but then to flaunt it in my face, and make damn sure everyone at the entire fucking department knew you finally got your date with Sara, you should be on cloud nine Greggo.” Nick said with a hurt laugh to keep from crying. He couldn’t hide the hurt in his eyes, as much as he tried. Greg always saw through them, and God Nick's soul was tearing apart.

“Nick, that’s just………it’s not that important.” He couldn’t come up with an explanation. He had made it a point to tell anyone who would listen he finally had a date with Sara. Once again not realizing the pain he caused the one person he tried to protect.

“I know, you’ve made that blatantly clear to us all Greg.” And with that Nick did walk off, leaving a stunned Greg in his wake. What had he done to them? He didn’t even try to stop Nick from leaving this time because he had nothing left to say. Nick was right, he let go, he gave up Nick and he didn’t want anything to do with him, so it was time to move on.

Nick walked as quickly as his legs could carry him without breaking out into a full run for the safety and comfort of his truck. He could feel the intense gaze burning a hole in him as he shut his door and sped off as fast as he could.

He couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt like hell when he heard about Greg’s date with Sara. He though he meant something to him, that they could somehow solve this mess that became their relationship after one horrible night. He believed Greg still somehow loved him. But the ember of hope burned out when he overheard Bobby and Hodges discussing the new hot gossip around the Lab. He remembered how he stopped dead where he stood in disbelief, and the look on Bobby’s face, realizing Nick overheard them. The pity on his face at seeing Nick’s broken heart shatter a little more before he ran away from the lab, out of the building finally realizing Greg gave up on them.

As he drove back to the Lab, he wiped at his face, pretending the wetness seeping onto his sleeve was from perspiration on his face. It was definitely not tears he felt burning his face, not pain in his heart over the one person that tore his world apart and moved on, without him.

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Greg knocked on Sara’s door right at 7:00 sharp. He didn’t want to make a bad impression after she had finally agreed to go out with him. But somehow the excitement wasn’t there, his heart wasn’t racing as he thought it would. All he could think of was the look of pain on Nick’s face today when he knew. So Greg went home, spent the afternoon convincing himself this is what he really wanted. Yet as he stood there, he felt nothing but an emptiness, just like he felt since that night he saw Nick’s face on a computer screen.

“Hello, earth to Greg, come on in, I’m almost ready.” Sara said a little louder than normal, obviously trying to get his attention. He stepped in her apartment trying to let the images of Nick go, knowing that he was failing miserably.

“Hey Sara, sorry bought that. Caught me somewhere else. Wow, don’t you look beautiful tonight. Well, not like you always don’t look spectacular, but Wow.” He said hoping his words would get his mind on his date instead of a certain man whom he knew was sitting at home alone right now.

“You say that to all of the girls Greg, all most of the guys to if I remember correctly.” She joked back as Greg blushed.

“Hey, a guy’s always got to keep his options open.” He shrugged and gave his usual laugh and flirt, trying to fall back into his routine.

“You look mighty fine herself tonight Greg, let me get my earrings and I’ll be ready to go.” She walked back to her bedroom and Greg felt his shoulders slump and smile fade.

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Nick sat down on his side on the couch, he still considered it his side even after all of these months. He got home around 6:00 after spending much of the day in the Lab and then some time with Sophia in the field. He felt dirty and dark and like the place he had stepped into clung to him to he got into the shower as soon as he got home. He couldn’t get the water hot enough. He wanted it to hurt just a little tonight. Scrubbing away the days dirt and memories, and the look in Greg’s eyes, and the ache that it caused in him.

At work he could forget, escape even though he was surrounded by Greg he felt like. But they were always working against the clock. Always something to do, somewhere to go, evidence to process. But here, he was alone with his thoughts and memories. He looked over the hair gel that was still in the cabinet cause he didn’t have the heart to throw it away. But as he stepped out of the shower, he grabbed everything he still had that reminded him of Greg and threw it away. He went through the rest of the house with a trash can and grabbed everything he found and tossed it away, hoping to toss the memories with it. From t-shirts, converse shoes, rock CD’s that he knew didn’t belong to him, torn up jeans and t-shirts, and a pair of black leather pants he never wanted to see Greg in again. That night they barely made it out of the car, let alone the bedroom, and he fucked Greg against the kitchen door. He put all is science and DNA books, class books he studied for months into a box, those he would never throw away, not after all that hard work.

Finally an hour later he settled onto the couch, with his take out pizza and beer in his hand to watch the Cowboys game he Tivo’d from last weekend’s game. Thank God it was at least football season again. He sat there in the silence of his house, with nothing but his game, and his dinner and beer, a bachelor's dream. He should have been lighter than he had in months. He did it finally, cleaned up Greg's stuff, erased him from his house, then why did he feel more alone than ever. He still couldn’t get the image of Greg dressing up and the thought the right now, he was out with Sara, on a date, while he sat here alone. He got up for another beer.

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“Greg, how did you find this place? I never even heard of it, but it’s wonderful.” Sara couldn’t believe the place Greg had taken her to. It was classy but not stuffy, and the food had been wonderful and the laughter ongoing and the company captivating.

“Like I said earlier, a guy’s got to keep some secrets. I hope you are having a good time, I never really thought you would ever let me take you out.” Greg honestly believed that, Sara had always been the unobtainable goal. Well, that was before Nick.

“Greg, I don’t think you realize how much you’ve changed since I met you. And since you were going out with Nick went out so much and hung out, I kind of figured you lost interest.” Sara noticed his eyes lose their light once she mentioned Nick’s name, but didn’t bring it up, not yet at least. “And I really am having a wonderful time.” As she reached over and grabbed his hand.

Greg faked the hurt on his face as he played is usual game of flirt and forget. “Sara, I’m hurt. You thought you wouldn’t have a good time with moi? I pride myself on showing my best lady a good time. You deserved something nice and I thought hopefully I could be the one to give it to you.”

“You surprise me Greg, you always get what you want. I mean we all never actually believed you’d make a CSI and you proved us wrong, got your proficiency and now we have a CSI/Lab Tech and you are just beginning your career. You will be an outstanding CSI someday with your knowledge, your ambition, your intelligence, and your personality. I’m so proud to call you my friend Greg.” Sara said hoping her words were sinking in.

Sitting in stunned silence at her openness and sincerity, not to mention the lusty look in her eye. “Wow, you’ve rendered me speechless Sara, and that is quite a feat. Thank you, I’m honored to be your friend too.” Greg looked back in her eyes, hoping to see, feel something besides pain for awhile.

“You ready to go, we could head back to my place for a beer or something?” Sara asked almost shyly.

“Sure, let me take care of this and we’ll be all set.” Greg said reaching for his wallet and the bill, the words that Nick spoke to him in anger that morning kept ringing in his ears over and over again, 'As you said just get past it and move on, right Greg? So that‘s what I‘m doing.’

As Greg walked out of the restaurant with his arm around Sara’s back, he decided that was exactly what he should do. Nick didn’t want him anymore, and he was tired of being sorry and all of the pain. Maybe he could forget a while tonight, with Sara's help.

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By the forth quarter, and half a pizza later, Nick got up and grabbed another beer. He lost count, four, five, maybe even six, not like it mattered. Not like anyone would be coming home to him tonight, not like it mattered to anyone if he passed out drunk on the couch. All he could see were pictures of Greg flirting over Sara, and look in his eyes as he touched her. He wondered if he would kiss her the same. Would his lips be as soft as the were for him? Would he warm her they way he warmed him and made his heart beat faster and made his heart smile, and his eyes light up? Would he make love to her the way he did to him, making him feel like the only person in the world and that nothing mattered but the touch of his hands and lips and he worshipped his body.

He couldn’t think that anymore, as he sat back down and drank down half of his beer in one gulp. Why was he here alone? God he missed him so much. He could never picture himself or Greg with another, and know tonight, those were the only thoughts that haunted his mind. Her lips touching his, his hands on her breasts, warm breath against her ear. That tongue tasting her skin, as the tears rolled down his face.

“Damnit, no I’m not going to do this!” Nick screamed as he hurled his beer bottle across the room with all of the energy and anger and jealousy he could gather. It shattered against his bookshelf, and he went to pick up his broken glass bottle, that's when he saw it. There on the shelf was a picture of he and Greg. It was taken the day he passed his proficiency test. He and Greg snuck off into the break room so Nick could give him a proper congratulations. He and Greg sharing a sweet tender kiss. It wasn’t the passionate all encompassing kisses they were known to share, but held all the love and passion and pride that Nick felt for Greg on that day. He fought for that day for three years and he finally did it. Nick held Greg’s face in his hands and Greg’s arms wrapped around Nick’s back in a tender touch. Before they knew it, they saw a flash through there closed eyes and looked up in shock, staring at a pleased Catherine that she finally got the two in a private moment.

“You know you two are very good actors, and I wanted to be the first to say I couldn’t be happier for you two. And so would everybody else if you would just tell ‘em.” And with that she handed them the snapshot she just took and left them to their moment again.

Nick couldn’t help the tears, they started to fall and they wouldn’t stop. He held onto the picture for is life and made his way back to the couch. The memories flooded his mind, the good and bad. The days he made work worth going too. Remembering the Lab Rat that stole his heart years ago.

“Oh God Greg, how could you, how could you leave me!” Nick sobbed, trying to gulp breaths of air letting his frustrations out on this perfect picture of happiness they made and this pain was too much to bear. “You promised me forever, and I love you so much, how could you have done this to , you left us. God Greg I miss you, miss you so much.” He felt the tears soak into his shirt, through to his chest, and into his heart.

He held the picture to his chest, crying for everything he lost, everything he missed, and most of all that Greg didn’t love him enough to stay.

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Conversation had been light and easy on the way back to Sara’s place. Greg actually enjoyed himself, and he was surprised that Sara had invited him back.

As she let them back into her place he took a seat on her couch.

“Would you like a beer or something?” Sara shouted from the kitchen.

“Yeah, a beer would be great.” She handed one to him and had one in her hand after taking a seat next to him. “I still smell burnt car, are you sure I don’t smell like it?” Greg asked seriously concerned, he didn't want to spoil the mood by smelling like burnt leather.

“Yes Greg, you don’t smell like burnt car. That was pretty bad this morning from what I heard.”

“Yeah, I mean what a waste, in the Lab I never had to understand, just process, but the more I’m in the field, the more I just don’t get people. The pain and hurt they cause each other and for what?” Greg asked staring down into his bottle then taking a long swig, thoughts of seeing Nick screaming silently into the green lit coffin with utter fear and desparation in his eyes.

“It doesn’t get any better, trust me, just more confusing. I mean the things I’ve seen over the years, I mean the hate and the evil out there, sometimes makes me wonder if we help. But then once in awhile we do. That case a couple of weeks back, when Nick saved that little girl. I had given up, hell I think we all had, but not Nick.”

Greg remembered those few days so well. Nick was so sure and so obsessed with the case. Greg was sure he was in denial and knew he would be destroyed when they found that little girl’s body. But he had proved them all wrong. He found her, he saved her. He was so proud and thankful for Nick’s strength because that little girl would have died without his stubbornness.

“I’ll never forget what Nick said to me at breakfast that morning,” Sara continued. “He was so sure she was still alive, and I didn’t want him to get his hopes up, or everyone else’s, I told him 'It's just that.... you are expecting to find a person, and on this job, it just usually isn't the case' and he just looked up at me with those eyes and shrugged and said 'I was rescued’, and I felt ashamed for giving up.”

Greg took another long drink from his beer. “Yeah, he was rescued wasn’t he, and we didn’t give up, and either would he. That’s just the way he is, he makes the people around him better people with his optimism. I wish we all had that.” Sara couldn’t help but notice the look of longing on his face.

“Then why are you here Greg? I mean no offense Greg, I had a wonderful time and I’m really glad you took me out, but it was no secret you two were dating, and pretty serious from the way it looked.”

Greg looked up in shock, he thought he kept it hidden so well. “No, we….you must have seen something else, or wrong, cause we never……..” Greg knew he was fumbling but was never good at lying, and especially to Sara.

“Greg please, I would hope you would think a little more of me than to question my own eyes. Things changed after he was…..rescued, and you two were one of them. You wanna talk about it.” Sara asked genuinely concerned.

“No, I don’t. This is about us tonight, and Nick and I are long over. I wanted to take you out, so let’s forget this talk about work,” he turn and grabbed her beer and set them both on the coffee table, “let’s forget about co-workers,” he whispered into her ear as he kissed and nuzzled her earlobe. Then he sent soft, wet kisses up her throat. “Let’s just forgot for tonight.” With that he turned and kissed her, with all the passion he could muster, but didn't feel. But Sara fell into it like she’d been waiting for it all night, and she held on as his hands roamed her body.

The kisses became more intense as he tasted her, smelled her perfume. Greg wrapped his arms around her small waist and pulled her closer as she grabbed him with her tiny hands and pulled him into her. He couldn’t help but lose himself in the sensation. He cupped one breast and licked her nipple to a peak through her thin shirt. He laid her down on her couch to have more room for his hands, but his body wasn't responding like he needed it to. He could feel Sara's hand grasp around his back and lower and cup his ass, pulling him into her. It had been so long since he felt somebody against him, but then he felt it, something wasn’t right. The hands on him exploring his back were too small, and the smell was wrong. It was flowery and light, no shampoo and aftershave, but perfume and vanilla lotion. The lips he were kissing weren’t full and strong, and they didn’t hold the love and pleasure that Nick’s lips always did. Nick could pour his heart out into a single kiss, all his love and emotion just by one caress.

Greg suddenly backed up and sat straight up knowing what was happening, what was wrong, this isn’t where he belonged. He wasn’t where his heart wanted to be and his body longed to be. God, what had to done.

“I’m…. I’m sorry Sara, I don’t know why I did that. Well I do, but I, I can’t. I just can't cause I'm in love with someone else and I don't want to use you.” He fumbled through an apology not being able to look into her eyes after his mind was flooded with feelings, touches, and memories of the only one he truly loved.

He felt those small hands on his face and Sara looked into his eyes and smiled at him. “Greg, go to him. You are one of my dearest friends and so is Nick. You still love him, go, go now and tell him. And believe me, I undestand, better than you realize.” She said with a sadness in her eyes, Greg knew exactly what she meant. And with that she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you Sara, I do love you, you know that right, but I gotta go. Thank you, for everything. And with that he jumped up and ran out the door. Sara hoped she did what she could to make things right between her friends again and it wasn’t too late for their happiness.

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Nick awoke to the sound of someone banging on his door.

“Go away, I’m sleeping,” he shouted without thinking. He remembered falling asleep after he cried more tears than he thought possible still grasping onto the picture that brought about the flood of memories.

He heard it again and this time assumed it wasn’t his imagination. “All right, all right. I’m coming.” When he opened the door and saw Greg standing there he thought maybe he was still asleep and was having some sort of weird dream.

“Can I come in Nick, I need to talk to you.” Then Nick realized it wasn’t a dream and he acted on his first instinct and began to shut the door in his face.

Greg put his arm out to block it. “No Nick, I need to talk to you, please, may I come in?”
Greg pleaded hoping he could get through to him and make Nick listen.

“G, if you are here to tell me the sordid details of your big date, you are just gonna have to find someone else to hear about your big evening, cause I really can’t don't it, I really can’t right now.” Nick said defeated wondering what would bring Greg here after his date. But it was only 10:00 anyway, he should still be in Sara’s bed, shouldn't he?

Greg walked into the living room, noticing the empty beer bottles, the broken glass on the floor, and the picture that Nick had been holding earlier that night. He wondered what took him so long to realize what he’d done to the man he loved so much, whom he would die for.

“I had to talk to you Nick, I couldn’t do it, didn’t want to be there with her. I realized that the only place I really wanted to be was here, with you.” He said that last part so quietly he wasn’t sure Nick heard him.

“Wait, what G? You walked out of here, not the other way around. You didn’t want to be here, remember?” Nick stated with coldness he had felt since Greg walked out on their life, but the volume of his voice only grew, and Greg only began to realize what he'd done.

“God Nick, I didn’t want to, I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t do anything but watch you suffer. I couldn’t save you, I couldn’t help you, damnit Nick I couldn’t even find you and I couldn’t cope.” Once the words started they kept coming. “Everytime you had a nightmare, and woke up cold and scared, screaming, not wanting to be touched by me cause you were too scared, I felt it. And that hurt so God Damned much. I relived it every time with you, even as a CSI I was completely helpless in saving the one person that meant more to me than anything in this world, and it was killing me inside.” The tears started down his face and his eyes looked so desperate for understanding that Nick wasn’t sure he could or was able to give.

You, you couldn’t cope! Try it from my end! I survived for you. Everytime I felt that weight of that gun in my hand, when the ants started to bite, when the light was making me crazy, it was you. Didn't you know that. All I could think of was what the look on your face when they found my body. How I would never touch you again, feel your warmth, your love, your laughter, but you took it from me. They didn’t take it from you. They took me, but you were my reason for living. And after all of that, you left, you did want they couldn't. Greg you took it from me, everything I fought to live for you took from me.” Nick was breaking more and more with each confession. Greg looked at Nick as he poured out all the frustrations he felt over the last months and Greg for the first time realized what he had done. He gave up on Nick, even after they found him, he left him. God, what kind of person was he.

“Then I hear you are going out with Sara and God Greg, I felt like I was still down there, it was so cold, so dark, and that became my world, even now, I'm still there. And you put me here!” Nick voice had risen in volume to the point he was screaming at Greg, watching him shudder at every work, but he took it.

“I didn’t know Nick, I didn’t know. I thought I caused you more hurt than anything, and I saw everyday what I did to you…….”

“NO, No Greg, you didn’t, it happened. It just happened to have been me that was taken. Hell Greg, we had twenty year veterans of the force on the department for my case and they were as lost as you, and you were only a CSI for four months. I didn’t need a CSI, I needed someone to be there for me, to love me, let me know I made it out and it wasn’t dark anymore. I needed my lover, my partner in life to be there with me. All I’ve felt it dark and cold since you left. How could you?? How could you leave me so easily when I needed you most?” Nick asked as straight forward as he could with tears running down his face.

“I was scared Nick, I didn’t know how to help you. I thought I was doing everything wrong. God Nick, I thought I found you, and it was a fucking dog, a God Damned Dog Nick. I thougth I found you, and I was standing there once again, with nothing. I couldn’t get over my guilt, but I loved you the whole time Nick, damnit I thought I would die that night. I never felt more helpless, and I thought by moving on you could too. I didn’t know how you could even look at me. I failed you at everything.” Greg sat on the couch and put his head on his lap and began to cry for his guilt, his own failures, for hurting Nick, and for what he had given up.

He felt the weight shift next to him and he felt Nick’s warmth next to him. “You didn’t need to be anything Greg, don’t you get that. I loved you with everything, you were my everything, you are my everything. And then you left, and I stayed there. I wished they would have let me die that night, it would have been easier than losing you.” Greg looked over at Nick, and the sincerity of Nick’s words broke his heart. He meant that much to someone, and he threw it away, and left them alone.

He grabbed Nick’s face and looked him straight in the eyes. “I love you Nick, with everything I am. Over the last six years you have brought light to my life. Understanding to my fears about work. Took care of me when I got hurt, you always put a smile on my face. God I’m so sorry Nick.” Greg sobbed out on Nick's shoulder, but never let go. “I didn’t know, I’m so sorry, I love you, I live for you, please forgive me, please, I’ll do anything, God please Nick.” He laid his head in Nick’s lap and wrapped his arms around Nick's waist, but he couldn’t stop the tears. “Please Nick, God please forgive, I can’t live like this, without you. It’s all so lonely and dark, and so so cold.”

Nick pulled up Greg to look him in the eyes. “I know G, I know. It’s been so dark and cold, everyday without you. Nothing has been the same. I need you, I need your help still to get through this, it still hurts and I'm so scared some days, cause everyday, everyday it’s still a struggle and I want to give up, I want to give up and let them win. No more guilt, please, we’ll help each other.” Nick hugged Greg as tight as he could and started to kiss him everywhere his lips could touch and the taste of their blended tears reached his mouth, almost like a cleansing. Greg soon followed, there it was, that feeling, the lips, the hands, the body, this is where he belonged.

“We’ve both been through so much pain Greg, so much. We didn’t know how to ask for it, I’m asking now, help me through my pain, and I’ll help you through yours. It’s different, but the pain of being in that box is nothing to the pain of not having you in my life, don’t ever leave me please, don’t ever do that again. I couldn’t live through it.” He held onto Greg for his very soul.

“Never Nick, I’ll never leave you again, God forgive me, I love you, please. I’m yours, I’ve always belonged to you. I’ll help you, let me help you Nick, we'll help each other. I love you, I love you always.” Greg pleaded for his absolution he was seeking earlier that day.

His voice was drowned out by the kisses that were coming more frantic. Nick forgot how good Greg tasted and how good his body felt. How warm he was as he started to unbutton his shirt, but much to impatient, he quickly gave up and ripped it apart and Greg heard buttons hit the floor and the sound went right to his growing erection.

“God Nick, I’ve missed this, missed you, missed your body. No one knows me like you, no one will ever have me like you. Please more, I need more.” He begged as he pulled Nick’s shirt over his head and tossed it somewhere. He could feel Nick start stroking his hard cock through his pants, he forgot how good Nick made this. He could take him in a rush and still make him feel treasured and loved like no one ever had.

“Yes G, I’ve missed your body, your breath, your hands, I want you, I want you so bad.” As he started stroking Greg harder, he couldn’t hold back the moans of pleasure anymore. Nick always knew how to set his body on fire as he felt the zipper being pulled down and then Nick’s large warm hands.

“Oh God, Oh God, more Nick please.” The feeling on Nick's hand on his bare cock was almost too much. It had been months and he knew at this rate he wouldn’t last long, but he didn’t want it over. He lay flat on the couch so Nick had complete control of him. He reached up and pulled him down for a burning kiss. Yes, those kisses that he could feel Nick’s soul in. He could cum from Nick’s kisses alone.

“G, God I love your mouth,” and he felt Greg buck under him trying to get friction to his cock that was so hard it was painful, but what a wonderful pain. Nick kept with the teasing, licking, biting along Greg’s throat, making him writhe underneath him more. “I love the way you move for me. I love the way you taste G, God I’ve missed your taste. The way your body fits so perfectly with mine. I’m gonna make you scream my name then beg for more," as he bit down on Greg’s erect nipple eliciting a deep throaty growl from Greg’s lips. Then in one swift move he released Greg of his boxers and pants. He couldn’t take it anymore, he had to touch, he needed to feel his warmth and let him know how loved he was.

“Make love to me please Nick, take me, I need to feel you, but too many clothes.” He quickly jumped off the couch and knelt before Nick’s spread legs. He started by slowly caressing and massaging Nick’s thighs, never breaking eye contact with him. “I’ve missed your body too Nick. The way you can take me and make love to me and make me feel worshipped.” He started to undo Nick’s pants and slowly slid them down his legs tossing them aside as well, leaving them both naked with Greg knelt there, just taking in the sight of Nick’s naked body.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed seeing you like this, naked, hungry, hot for me.” He stared at Nick’s erection licking his lips. Nick’s cock jumped at the site and a grin spread across Greg's face. At the first sensation of Greg’s tongue licking the underside of his cock from base to tip Nick let out a groan that was music to Greg’s ears. He missed the sounds Nick made while they made love. Greg knew he was loud and unashamed, but quiet reserved Nick Stokes, and knowing that is was him making him fee that way was so incredibly hot. He then went down further and licked his balls and then suckled them in his mouth. Lavishing them with his tongue.

“OhGodGreg, Jesus don’t stop, don’t ever stop, I’ve missed that sweet little mouth of your on me. Suck me baby,” as he held Greg’s head in between his hands and went along for the ride. Not to guide Greg cause God, Greg knew exactly what to do, but just to feel connected. He felt Greg tongue dip into his slit and lick out the precum, and hearing Greg’s hum in satisfaction was almost his undoing, but not yet.

“Greg, wait, please wait, stop. I want to be in you, please.” Greg complied because that’s all he really wanted, for Nick to fill him up like he used to, to be buried inside of him and God how he missed it.

Greg crawled back up to the couch and lay beneath Nick, feeling the warmth of his body cover him. “Please Nick, I need you inside of me, make love to me. Fuck me like only you know know how. God Nick please, need you inside of me.” Greg knew his tone was pleading, begging, but he didn't care, because Nick was gonna fuck him again, a dream he dared not imagine just twelve hours ago and crime scene where all seemed lost.

Nick placed a crushing kiss to Greg’s lips which he returned greedily. Their cocks rubbing up against each other, feeling the familiar warmth of their bodies and God had anything in this world ever felt so wonderful, so right.

Tongues battled with each other, mirroring the sensations of their bodies. Nick reached under the couch for the lube that he hoped was still there. Thank God he never moved it as he grabbed it and poured some onto his fingers then stopped.

“I want to watch you G, here, you know how I love to watch you prep yourself.” Nick said with lust dripping from his voice.

“Yes, anything for you Nicky,” He held out his fingers and watched Nick place a liberal amount of lube on his fingers and he slowly pushed two fingers inside of himself. He started slowly at first, it had been a long time since he was taken and wanted to make sure he was good and ready. He pulled his knees back and again every so slowly entered a third finger and started moving to his own rhythm. Nick watched from above, almost drooling at anticipation. He couldn’t help but grab his own cock and stroke in time to Greg’s thrusts. He always loved watching Greg fuck himself, and it had been so long, he could barely hold himself back.

“Yes Greg, God yes, so beautiful, you are so fucking beautiful when you fuck yourself. I love watching you, do you know that. I would dream for months of just watching you just like this, and I’d always wake up hard having to jerk myself off just to get through the day.”

"Nice to know I wasn't the only one." Nick’s words just make Greg more impatient for him, he could feel himself start to stretch out and he started to moan and whimper, begging for Nick’s touch.

"Now Nick, please, touch me, I need to feel you."

“You want me to touch you G, huh? You want me to touch that aching cock of yours?” Nick definitely hadn’t lost his talent of dirty speak.

“Please Nicky, please touch me, I can’t stand it, I need you to touch me.” The begging in his voice left Nick helpless but to please. He wrapped his warm slick hand around Greg’s throbbing erection and he sighed at the first contact. “Oh God Nick, wait, I can’t. I’m gonna cum, don’t wanna yet. Too good, make it too good. I want you in me when I cum, please, now.”

Nick didn’t have to be asked twice and slicked himself up one more time and lined himself up to enter Greg. He looked down in his eyes, seeing those beautiful brown eyes look up at him with so much trust and love and lust, “I love you Greg, that’s never changed, you’ve always been my heart.”

“I never stopped Nicky, I never stopped being yours.” He closed his eyes waiting for him to take him, waiting for him to claim him again and make him his all over again.

With that Nick took Greg and filled him completely. Nick grunted as he entered Greg, God how he missed this, he felt so good, so familiar. Greg wrapped one leg around Nick’s back and pulled him down to him with a force that Nick was surprised at. “Nick, fuck me please, take me, I want to be taken and fucked. God you feel so good, I’ve missed you so much.” Nick didn't need any second hints and started pounding into Greg with all he had. He knew they would have time for slow and passionate later, but right now, this was about need, want, hunger, and finding each other, and God had sex ever been this good.

“Yes Nick, yes harder, faster, fuck me harder Nicky.” Nick pulled up onto his arms and stared down at Greg. He grabbed his other leg and pulled it behind him so he couldgdo deeper. Greg gasped with surprise at the sensation, feeling Nick's cock brush up against that spot on each thrust, and then began to moved with him.

“Greg, you are so good, you do it so good, so tight. God I can’t last too long, you feel to good. I’ve waited to be in you again, better than I ever imagined.” He reached around and wrapped his hands around Greg’s aching cock. God he was so hard it hurt, and he started pumping Greg in time to his thrusts. Greg knew he couldn’t last long as he closed his eyes and lost himself completely in Nick.

“Nick, please, I can’t, I can’t hold out like this, too good. Can't stop it. Oh God Yes, harder, right there. Fuck yes Nick, I can’t stop.” Greg pleaded with Nick to let him cum before he exploded.

“That’s it baby, yes, cum for me. I want to see your beautiful body convulse for me, then I’m gonna lick all of your delicious cum off of you.” And with that, Greg let it go, he felt the beginnings of his orgasm come over him, the tingling sensation in his balls, the tension in is cock pulse with excitement.

“God Nick, yes that’s it, Oh God, I’m gonna cum, Oh God Nicky, OH GOD FUCK, Love you, love you so much!” And Greg just let the waves take him over, Nick stroking every last drop out of him. Greg thrusting up into his hand and back onto Nick's cock. Holding on with every bit of self control he had as Greg clenched around his cock buried deep inside of him. When Greg finally came down, he looked up at Nick. “Please Nick, I need you to cum in me, fill me with you.” Nick grabbed Greg and held on as tight as he could and he pounded into Greg’s ass like he never had before. He wanted to fill him and feel his cum shooting inside of Greg as he felt it starting.

“Oh Fuck, fuck Greg, you are perfect, fucking perfect, GOD!!! FUCK!! Yes! So good Greg, so good.” Nick was practically screaming and Greg could feel the heat of Nick filling him and he held on tighter.

“Yes Nick, that’s it, more, I love to feel you fill me.”

And Nick finally came down from his high and laid his head on Greg’s chest, both trying to catch their breath after their frantic love making, they just touched and felt making sure it was all still real.

“So, you really are here and it wasn’t some weird dream?” Nick asked just to make sure.

“I’m here Nick, I couldn’t stay away. I realized what I was missing and had to come tell you how sorry I was and just hope that you would forgive me.”

“So, how did your date with Sara go?” Nick joked slightly as they both let out a laugh.

“She told me to go to you, and tell you I loved you.” Greg said.

“Remind me to thank her tomorrow.” Nick said with a smile.

“So, but now what happens. Where do we go from here? I don’t ever want to lose you again, but I want you to trust me again, and I know that won’t happen overnight, and I know I need to learn to deal with my guilt over not finding you and getting over that so we can learn to deal and heal together cause I don’t want to screw this up again.” Greg said as fast as he could so he wouldn’t leave anything out.

“Greg, I love you, but shut up.” Greg look surprised but saw the playfulness on Nick’s face. “We will worry about that tomorrow, but for tonight, let’s just enjoy this, Ok”?

“OK Nick.” He said as he kissed his forehead and leaned back.

“But there is one thing I need to ask you before this goes any further?” Nick said with a seriousness that scared Greg a little more than he wanted to admit.

“What is it Nick, I’ll do anything, I want to make it all up to you.” Hoping that was what Nick was hoping for he waited for him to ask his question.

“Are you going to fuck me now or what, cause damn, I’ve really really missed you. And you are so hot when you are fucking me from behind.” He looked up at Greg and a grin spread across his face that reached all the way to his eyes.

“You shit, you scared me, don’t do that.” Greg sighed with relief.

“Well then, if that’s a no?” Nick said as he turned to his side.

“Hell no, I said whatever it takes Nicky, I’m a slave to your every request. What are you waiting for then Stokes?” And with a flash, Greg was gone.

He ran off naked to their bedroom with Nick not far behind. He didn’t know how, but they would make this work, he couldn’t live without him, but that could wait until tomorrow. They had a lot of time of make up for tonight.

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